ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i think we sleep fucked last night...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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