Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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