I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
