So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
