dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
