Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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