My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Randomize
