I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
