nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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