is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
