Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
