My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
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I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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