a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
