are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
