guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
