And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
