Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Someone shit on the floor
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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