i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
