she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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