Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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