I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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