There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You dont lie about slip and slides
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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