At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
this will be a night to untag.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
