to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
