my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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