There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
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My liver just had a heart attack.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
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I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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