I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
