i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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