For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
