:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
