Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Small penises have feelings too.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
