New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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