So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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