you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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