Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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