I think my vagina is haunted
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
