Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
