Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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