when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
