im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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