she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
