Just fell off a train. Bad.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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