good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize