he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
