my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
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Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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