So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Randomize
