Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
