that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
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He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
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Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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