i always forget guys have bellybuttons
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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