Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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