real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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