i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
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she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
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and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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