What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
