I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
