What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
