So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
