I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
