I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
