What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
