have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
