he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
