i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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