First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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