Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
