she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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