Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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