That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
where am i from again
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
