i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
