I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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