like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize
