So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
