I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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