I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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